Battles

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Thoughts for the day:

I was thinking last night, that our lives are like books, but something that I realized stood out. I felt it laid on my heart to type it all out this morning for some reason, so here it is.

Let's say chapter 13 of a book takes the main character on the journey to meet a dragon. Chapter 13 ends with main character seeing the dragon for the first time, in some dramatic way. Of course we are hooked on the story, so we start reading chapter 14 immediately. The beginning of chapter 14 introduces the dragon, and the entirety of chapter 14 is the dragon battle. So what do we, as readers, focus on? The end of 13, the beginning of 14, or the excitement and craziness of the main event in chapter 14? Of course we pay the most attention to the main middle event, the battle.

Why then, as humans, do we focus on the beginning and ends of our life chapters, rather than the exciting middle parts? I know lots of people that do this, and I do this usually as well.
For example, when moving south, I was a mess (cut me a *little* bit of slack, I was 14). All I saw was the END of my New York chapter, and the BEGINNING of my South Carolina chapter, which I though was going to be absolutely terrible (no offense SC peeps, i love y'all), because I was "leaving that behind". But that's just the thing, the memories and the friends aren't gone, they're just sealed in that closed chapter, possibly even waiting to be revisited in a later chapter down the life road.

So why do we focus so much on the beginnings and the ends? I think it's because they are so dramatic. "This job is going to be so exciting, I can't wait for it to BEGIN", "going to college is so scary, I'm dreading the FIRST DAY", or "that relationship/friendship/etc was so great, why did it have to END". Those are all dramatic things, even something like "I can't wait to GET my new car" shows how much we focus on the beginnings of chapters. Because we aren't saying "I can't wait to HAVE MY CAR FOR YEARS OF FUN DRIVING", or whatever, we are looking forward to GETTING it. Its the beginning. Or like losing a SO/family member/car/pet/anything, it's sad right? Of course! It's absolutely horrible for most people to go through that END. And as humans, I think *sometimes* (key word here, for later), we cannot control how much or how little we focus on that END. It's natural to grieve, and everyone does that differently. I don't think we can always control that, because until you get that internal click, that says "wait, this happened for a reason, God has a plan", your mind does what it wants.

I know people that grieve by deletion, removing all traces of the person/pet/car/etc from memory by taking down pictures, items, whathaveyou.

I know people that grieve by obsession, doing the opposite of the deleter, putting up more pictures, holding items close to their heart, and not letting the thing go as quick.

I've seen people grieve by burning things, tearing pictures, trying to make people jealous, trying to fill the void with a new bad relationship, turning to substance abuse, distancing themselves from the hurt, putting things away, selling things, holding onto them, trash talking, distancing themselves from everyone, and just breaking down.

I'm the last one. When I get a horrible chapter end (3 big ones, that I thought were each the end of my world, and each much worse than the previous, in 4 years of being here 😐) I usually don't know how to handle it well at first. I binge watch Netflix, don't eat well, cry till 3/4am sometimes, and am in a generally funked out mood for a while. I've been told "you can control how you react" but I really think that *sometimes* (there's our key word) we can't control how we react. Not on our own, that's for sure. Sometimes we cannot control our grief (that's just human nature) until we can see that God let that bad chapter ending happen for a reason. It's always a process, even after that realization, but it becomes much easier when you "look with His eyes". I'm still grieving the big event from 3 years ago, just like I am the one from 2 months ago. And that's natural, and that's fine.

Here's the key:
You need to realize that there's going to be dragon battles that you lose. What if main character loses his battle in chapter 14? Is he going to go into chapter 15 hurting? Yeah I think so, he just lost to a dragon, lol. But he's going to have a new chapter to grow in and explore, while still recovering that L in chapter 14.

There will always be another dragon, but we need that middle time between them to grow and learn from the last one. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but it's the battle itself that we need to focus on, because either we can keep the beautiful success memories tucked away safe to remember later, or we learn from the bad defeat story, and use it to mature and grow stronger. Whether or not you beat the dragon is irrelevant, because looking back, you will be stronger, in one aspect or another, either way.

I've always loved the analogy of "Gods view". How we are looking at a sports game (our life) through a little knot hole in a wooden fence, and God can see over the fence. Sometimes He offers to lift us up to look at the big picture, but I think we are usually too focused on our little picture, and don't look, thinking it's already the best view we can possibly have. If we do take His hand and look over the fence for a minute, everything makes sense, it's all so much clearer, but we can't stay up there forever. We aren't all knowing, we aren't allowed to be. That's how it should be.

I am very thankful for the glimpses over the fence that I get. They always come to relieve me in a time of stress and craziness. I am also very thankful for those middle memories I have of the 3 big "ends of my world" chapters I've had so far down here, because even though there were 3 great beginnings and 3 bad endings, I have beautiful memories to recall of the people and times I shared them with.

Those memories are what matter in this scope, people. Sometimes ends aren't ends. I've reopened chapters with people and places from closed chapters recently, and they are great because I have those middle memories and bonds to build on top of, no matter how bad the ending was.

In the area of dealing with bad relationship (friend/SO/family) endings:
People usually forgive, even if they don't forget. It just sometimes takes a while to forgive, and every situation will have a different timeline for both people involved. It's not about forgetting the hurt, it's about rebuilding that (relation/friend)ship that once existed and was great.

Try to stay optimistic about everything. We don't know who or what God will drop back into our laps or when, or if He will at all. But I'm learning that that's okay. I'm excited to see what He's planning for me, because I know that chapters close to prepare us for new chapters opening, even if those closes are seemingly horrible; we have to trust Him.

I hope this touched someone who needed it. It certainly help me to realize all of this. If you disagree, please, hold back from starting a FB fight, it's not what anyone wants. If you have something constructive to add, feel free to, or text/DM me or something.

And lastly, I'm here if anyone needs someone to talk to. Just shoot me a message, even if we have never talked. I enjoy helping people, and I know how important it is sometimes to have someone to talk to, when you feel alone.

God bless you & I hope you have a great day, you persevering reader, you.